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Finally I did it!

I’ve been getting infertility treatment for 3 years and I finally did it!
I am pregnant for 2 months. It just 2 months but this is a great one step for me.
A medical examination is once a week and everytime I am very nervous about seeing the growth of my baby I wonder if something bad thing happens to us or not… Every the day before a examination I cannot sleep well, feel sick and wake up earlier than usual. I don’t realize but probably I am so nervous.
Today the womb hurts so much and I have a heavy menstrual discharge. What symptom is this…?
Last time I had a brown menstrual discharge, I had a heavy menstrual discharge before it.. oh my god, scared..

I’ve been taking leave from beginning of Oct and I am supposed to be back in Dec.
But I was supposed to return in Nov but… I am going to ask my company to expand the period until end of Nov.
I feel really sorry to my coworkers but but but my priority no.1 is keeping the baby in health until giving a birth. I worry that I should quit my job before going on maternity leave in order not to cause my coworkers more troubles.. If I go on maternity leave, my company cannot hire new person but If I quit, they can hire new person and my coworkers can take over my jobs. sorry again to everyone for my baby.


My day

I was frustrated so much today because of Egypt and Singapore. I am not native but their English is too strong.
I understand they don’t mean like that but they made me mad… Now is end of month and so busy but I go hospital everyday and I am more busy.. But but but Today I found THAT!!! I cannot be relief completely yet but I stepped toward to our dream.

River Love

I love river! I want to live river side in the future the house has huge balcony and have BBQ party there over looking the river with my friends. There are kids playing in the river and the adults chatting with drinking beer.
Wow, what a nice day isn’t it? Also I want to try camping someday. When I was in my hometown I didn’t realize but I love nature and am eager to live with nature now. Tokyo is very convenient of course. There are a lot of fun things but I want nature power. Someday if I could have a baby, I want the baby to learn how to live in nature and want to be able to touch many bugs. We may move to my husband or my hometown.

Watching a Soccer Match in Yokoham

I went to Yokohama to have a Chinese lunch and to watch a soccer match with my husband. The day was so hot and humid but was so fun. Soccer is one of common hobby for us. The most laugh moment was the two guys in front of us. The one of guy said when a player keep holding a ball a bit long 「よくばりすぎだよ。食いしん坊!!」 I couldn’t stop laughing and I thought it was good to come here because I could hear the best phrase in my life.

Shopping with my husband in Harajyuku & Aoyama

Today is sunny day and we went out for shopping to look around my swimming wear!! Next week I will go to a pool with my friends so I went out to find new swim wear. The last one I bought was about 5 years ago.. I cannot wear it anymore. I marked Kariang’s one down since I’ve seen it in website. I wanted the short pants also but the same color with swim wear was sold out there but it is only one left in Shibuya shop but I didn’t want to move to there so I give it up and decided to be on diet until next week. My thigh is getting bigger and bigger and it is hard to see it without a short pants now but two weeks diet gives me some good effect to my thigh hopefully..

Also I met a shop stuff she usually works in Osaka but she is in Tokyo for three months. I thought I saw her face but I couldn’t remember at the time but I noticed that I saw her in Kariang web. I always thought she is small, slim and so cute and the real was of course cute!! I may change my hair color to much more dark like her.
I believe the shortest way to be a girl like Kariang stuff is copying favorite stuff initially and later try to add my original. I want to enjoy fashion so let’s start a diet and copying stuffs and original will be added later!!!!

So, I go to swimming now. see you then.

Shopping day

I and husband went to Ebisu to pick up the repaired necklace. We had Thai food for lunch and moved to Harajuku to visit Kariang which was opened on April. They were on Sale so I bought a Skirt and T-shirts and socks. kk.
And look around the back street of Harajuku and I found Kate Spade Saturday then luckly I found one-day trip bag which is incredibly functional!!! The design is not so my type but the function is beyond it. And we moved to Omotesando Hills and look around inside but there weren’t fascinated for us so we went to home by subway.
My husband had headache when I was shopping at Kariang but he didn’t say anything to me and he was waited until my shopping is finished. Thanks my husband!!! Love you.


4days continuous vacation

I took off on Thu and Fri with pay to be just relax at home. I don’t go out side and stay at home to put the precious egg on myself. These days I spend time like after I quite job then I feel that I can adjust this time schedule.
I really wanna have a baby this time. I really really hope that we can be parents. My husband prays at shrine after his job almost everyday, I hope his kindness makes us happy.
This step-up treatment was taught us that my egg and husband sperm doesn’t go along well. Ours needs artificial assistance for having a baby. I am a bit glad to know the cause of not having a baby by AIH.

Anyway if we cannnot have a baby this time, I quit my job and do job at home and concentrate myself infertile.
The result of my pregnancy test will be opened in two weeks, I cannot wait..

Reset again

I got my period last Thursday when I was at office so I wasn’t so depress comppare coz I could keep myself busy to forget about it. And also I expected that I have my period this month again. I don’t know why but we cannot have a baby normally then we need to the advanced tecnology method. Oh my god how much going to take for this? It is pretty unfair someone have a baby but they don’t want to but who really want to have it cannot get it… Oh my life, I didn’t know that have a baby is so expensive. I should have taken care of my health. But there is no point in regretting what I have done so I am going to take care of myself from today!!!

Relax weekend

This weekend I didn’t do anything and just I was relaxed at my home with my hasband. oh, I went to Yasukuni shrine and walked along Imperial palace to see cherry blossom from early-evening. We ate Kebabu and some chiken skewers and had dinner at Indinan restaurant in Jinbocho. and then we walked to Ochanomizu sta. and took sobu line to go home.
This was the first time to go Yasukuni although my juninor college is very near it. I really regret that I didn’t walk around the college after school at all. What on the earth was my two years college life…? I hate myself…
I still don’t know what I want to do and I really don’t like my apprearance. I tried diet hundred times but never ever compete it. what on the earth my life?

Korean restaurant

I went to the Korean restaurant near my house with my hasband and ate Tofu soup that was so yummy. I really enjoyed it. Mom talked to me and I was happy like we are recognized as a frequent customer!! I had heavy stomachahe… feel like my period comes soon.

Cherry blossom viewing

Today I went to Meguro river side to see Cherry bloosom after work. This was the first time to go there, there were so many nice restaurants between station and river. A lot of standing wine bars, nice atmoshere restaurants anyway there was great town!! I want to live there but must be the rent is expensive though… I also like the Meguro cinema. The cinema shows past moveis which are not showed anymore usual cinemas. I was helped them many times to see some movies which I missed to see them in theater. Now I wanna have a baby and give up drinking so I cannot fully enjoy Meguro restaurants but someday in near future, I go there with my firends and dring a lot of beers and wine as mush as I can without thinking anything!!!

I hate myself

Why my body gives me terrible things to me!? I keep working for me but my body haven’t given me anything!!!
What should I do more for myself? Am I bad? Am I worng? What on the earth wants from me more? Pleae let me know.
I don’t want to waste of my time anymore even 1month. I can’t stand seriously anymore.
I drunk beer after long absence. It made me relax and happy. I love alchol!!
If I could have a bady I believe I can quit drining for a while so please give me a baby sooner and wanna dring without any worries!!!!! If God exists, Please really help me from this tough days. I almost break down…

12/13 Hospital

I left office early and went to women’s hospital for first check of this month. today is 9th but it is getting bigger and I got injection. then I realized that taking a bath to makes my body warm and have a well-balance dinner is good for body.
Than another important thins is increasing the number of that. Not only that but also the thing is important. We have to to do our best!!!

12/12 My teeth

Oh my god~~~~!! My teeth turned brown what is more Front teeth!!! I have to go my dentist tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, otherwise I cannot laugth. I am going to brush my teeth after every lunch after visiting my dentist.
I cannnot stand dirty teeth.. On my god~~~


I had to be hard on a guy coz he made mistakes and I really really don’t like it. do I want to be loved everyone? I really wana quit my job.

12/10 Today’s work

I really don’t like to be hard on someone like today even though he is wrong.. I understand I have to say more strongly but I cannot do this. And I pause to realize that I really dont’t like my job and not suit for me. It is really hard to keep working with thinkng I don’t like it. I need to do something happy thing on weekend. I want to go somewhre by car. I wanna go to the trickart in Nasu!

12/9 Discharged water

My room’s bath have so much trouble of drainage after taking bath. I cannot stand it anymore I have to call our building manater. Shu must have felt stress about it, sorry.
The girl on the TV now is only 27 year-old and she is chief editor of fashion magagine. Wow. I was watching “Sarameshi” but these kind of not healthly lunch is not good for her body. The strong working women are everywhere. Am I easy on myself? Who cares.

New iphone5s

Finally I changed to iphone5s Yay! Internet runs so smoothly and feel so good!
This morning I went to Hair salon –> iphone change –> Nail salon –> My friend’s house for dinner. I had a very productive day.

I took PM off with my co-worker and saw [Eien no zero] at a preview!!! Our seat were on the extremely left on 2nd floor but still Okada-kun made us so crazy. The movie had almost same story as the novel and so good. We had been crying since the movive started till end. We couldn’t help crying to see it because we are very impressed the original novel.
Also when we left the preview place, we met Mr.Yamazaki, director of this movie. We shook hands with him and his hands were so soft.. like a baby! We also met Mr.Hyakuta writer of this novel but we couldn’t get his autograph.. oh, I should have said something nifty thing..

after all, my period came again. I feel even more keenly that my body is not ready yet for pregnant. I just have to adjust my body for this year. I defenitely adjust and make my body for pregnant!

Next clinic appointment is 13th or 14th. But this is 11th from period so I think it is too early. I really cannot believe the doctors in the hospital. they never answer my questions emopathetically at all. they never worry their patients they just want to see more patiens and want more money. If I could be pregant, I never go there when we want to 2nd baby.

After long absense, I had a makeup lesson. I learned how to make turn down eyes and shiny base. I like it.
Next is last lesson and I am going to ask how to use lip pensil and eye lush. oh, I need to make a resevation.

Women’s clinic

I left my office earlier and went to women’s clinic. Although the time a doctor spent to me was only 3min but I waited about 45min at waiting room. How ridicurous it is everytime. I am going to take a medicine once a day at night after dinner from tomorrow for 5days. And revisit the clinic 10days later before Korean trip. I hope next visit will be the day we return from Korea on 18th. We will arrive at Narita around 12pm so probably I can visit before 5pm which hours is not so crowed. I really hope we can see a baby. I went to my brother’s new-build house this weekend with my hasband by train and we met nephews after all the time. Older nephew will be 6 years next Feb and he is fully grown man 🙂 He knows well about trains and subways and he explained about it to us. It was so cute and we are also surprised that he is so mature. He tried to drink “coffee” alghough he couldn’t finish it but still cute.
I want to have a baby like him 🙂

This weekend

Im going to go shopping and have a dinner with my friends in Shibuya. We are ganna go to Yakiniku, I am really excited it!
I’ve been wanted to eat MEAT with Beer!! Recently I cannot drink beer same as before and I am dissapointed myself. Especially last week I drunk wine but my friend and I couldn’t finish it. This weekend I wanna try myself.